wrecking crew

The demolition of a building brings a town together.

The older people come because they have memories of that building, long before it was condemned. A few tears form in their eyes as they watch. The middle aged come to look forward to the future, and to hear the stories told by the previous generation. They count this as a day for celebration. The children come because - yay! There's a building being torn down by a huge machine! Cool.

But maybe some, like me, come because they can relate to this building. They feel broken down, beyond repair. They feel like a demolition crew has been been tearing at their soul. They're weary and cracked.

But if they're like me, they took comfort.

"Every seed dies before it grows..." (Enough to Let me Go, Switchfoot.)

you are awesome and you should feel awesome.

A few day ago, I was feeling awesome.

I was laughing hard with my older brother and being silly and making jokes, and I just felt so great in that moment. It was like a flower bud bursting open, and it was a feeling that said, "HEY. This? This is TRULY me. I feel fantastic. I'm comfortable in this skin. I love me. I feel awesome." Which was a really refreshing feeling, since I'd really been putting myself down the week before.

I was skyping with my dear friend Abby last night, and she told me: "You are awesome, and you should feel awesome." Whenever I'm truly representing myself - when I'm reading great books or playing piano, or dancing in the kitchen/backyard, when I'm running around without shoes or laughing a lot, I get this wonderful, blossoming feeling inside. It feels like I'm falling in love with the person that I am, getting to know my quirks and starting to accept what they are. And I start to sing a little louder and stand a little taller. I know that my soul is a bright, loud, glittering thing that craves movement and life, even when I get quiet on the outside. And by spending time getting to know myself, I start to see that more and more.

I think it's important to feel awesome. And I'm not trying to sound prideful or narcissistic, but I think I'm fantastic. Obviously I'm not perfect, but the person that God made me to be is pretty wonderful. It's important to love who you are and be who you are. And honestly, you're pretty fabulous, too. God handpicked those qualities and idiosyncrasies and loves of yours and put them in your heart. He's our amazing Maker, who breathes movement and life into us. And just that simple fact makes me want to go crazy about life, and drink everything up through a yellow striped paper straw, and sleep with windows open and sing loud and write down everything that happens to me.

"Now don't you understand that I'm never changing who I am?" (It's Time, Imagine Dragons)

stopping in on my little bloggy.

Every time I plan a post it just turns into random writings.

I have a lot of posts lined up, believe me. But, number 1, pictures take a looong time to go through and edit and I've been kinda busy/lazy. Number 2, yesterday my little brother fell backwards and sat on my laptop screen, and it broke. We've figured out a makeshift way for me to use my computer, thank goodness, but the screen is busted. Number 3... well, number three. I don't know. Life happens.

It snowed yesterday, which was not a very funny joke. Srsly, there are almost 3 freaking inches of snow on the ground. Not cool. (And yeah, I can say freaking. It's my blog.)
I have been reading lots (more on that later), trying to spend more time with my family, trying not to get stressed about school - 3 tests and 4 exams on the same week, oh my gosh. I've also been piecing together summer plans & lists & playlists. I'm feeling very excited. Summer can't come soon enough, even though it's a SNOW DAY today.

Yesterday I made waffles with whipped cream and berries for a Mother's Day lunch and I listened to Christmas music for a few hours, which was surprisingly encouraging. We also went to my grandma's house and had awesome cake for my uncle's birthday. CAKE. yum.

I'd better wrap this up and go do some school. I don't know what the point of this post was, but whatever. Just checking in + saying, "Hey! I've got a lot of words inside my head that I need to say! So stay tuned!"

hugs & a very happy monday. :)

looking ahead, looking behind

At the beginning of this April, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish this month, big or small. All in all, there were 21 things to do, not to mention my list of books to read. Out of all of them, guess how much I accomplished.

4.

Four.

I have been so frustrated with myself these past few days. 2013 hasn't been going like I'd hoped. It's been a lot of tired, alone, weary, not getting things done, and feeling stuck. But I am learning a lot of things.

3 of the greatest things I've done this year.

Reading my Bible (nearly) every day. I've only been doing this one for a few weeks now. I started reading through the New Testament this month and I'm now in the book of Luke. It's been truly incredible and has brought me to a bigger understanding of who Jesus is and what he requires from his followers.

Listening to new music. My music taste has almost tripled since the beginning of the year. I used to be really afraid of listening to new music, and sometimes people give me really weird looks when I say that, but it's true. I don't know what changed this year, but it's been so exciting and amazing to be discovering all this awesome music. Favorites right now are Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons, which is pure amazing, Ghosts Upon the Earth by Gungor, one of my favorite worship albums to date, and Night Visions by Imagine Dragons - I bought it on Sunday and I can't get enough of it.

Reading so many good books. In 2013 so far, I've read 19 books. I've discovered new adventures. New favorites. And even some stories that have changed my life.

Through my Bible reading (and, yes, experience), I've learned that Jesus was a person of action, and doing, and making things happen. No, he was not a busybody, and yes, he took adequate time to rest. But he made good on his promises, and he was in motion. If you're in a slow season of life (I mean, I've been in that slow season for the past few months), then that's okay. God will take you however you are.

I want to follow in Christ's example and be a doer, not just a talker. I talked about reading a bunch of new books this month. I only read 3 books this month, and none of them were on my list. Yes, I ordered those books, but they haven't come in yet. It took me so long to get to it because I was just talking about it.

If you're wondering, I am making a May list. And I hope to make good on it this time. I'm tired of the idle and washed out and stretched thin - I want the full and the blessed motion of a life lived well.

Happy May.